Waiting on God’s Timing in Love

Love has always been a difficult subject for me. I’ve been single for about nine or ten years now. My last relationship was back in high school — it started off great, but it didn’t end that way. I’m not here to say anything bad about him, the relationship, or even myself. But the truth is, even though it was a high school relationship, it still managed to leave a mark on my heart and my mind.

Ever since then, I’ve guarded my heart. I’ve built walls around it, thinking they would protect me from getting hurt again. But somewhere along the way, those same walls have also kept people out. I’ve been scared to give someone a chance — not just because I’m afraid of getting hurt, but because I’m afraid of hurting someone else too.

There have been times when I’ve prayed and asked God to just place the right man in front of me already. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that’s not how it works. God doesn’t rush what He’s building. He takes His time. Because before He gives you someone to love, He wants you to truly love Him first.

If we can’t love God, how can we really love someone else? He’s the one who teaches us what love is supposed to look like.

I also find myself asking, “How can you love someone else when you don’t love yourself?” And that question sits heavy with me sometimes. In my head, I think I love myself. I think I know how to love. But maybe part of learning to love again is still learning yourself — who you are, what you need, and how to give love in a way that’s healthy and whole.

I’m grateful to have people in my life who show me real examples of love — not the perfect, picture-ready kind, but the kind that’s honest. The kind that has both good days and bad days. The kind that proves love isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but it’s still worth it. Real love is sometimes 80/20 or 50/50 — it’s showing up, giving grace, and choosing each other even when things aren’t easy.

So maybe this season of waiting isn’t a punishment. Maybe it’s preparation — a time to keep learning how to love God, myself, and one day, the person He’s preparing for me too.